Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Same Sex Relationships at Duke

In thinking about same sex relationships at Duke, I thought of two things. First, I remembered a student’s comment in one of our first classes about a person at Duke who was about to make his true sexual orientation public and how this would cause some sort of reaction among the Duke populace. Secondly, I thought about how one of my closest friends, who also happens to be a gay male who recently graduated from Duke, was having a difficult time finding his niche at a prestigious medical school, even though he was surrounded by a plethora of attractive, fun, and open-minded twentysomethings much like himself. Both of these had implications for the kind of culture we have at Duke for homosexuals who are still in the closet.
Thinking about this mysterious person who was about to come out at Duke, I thought about how it was interesting that we choose to concern ourselves with the sexual orientations of those who are in the public eye more than those who are not. Is it fair for us to hold different people to different standards just because of their visibility? Rationality would say no, but actuality would say fairness is not a consideration – many would think that by virtue of being an public figure one is supposed to be a representative sample of the body he or she is associated with, and that a homosexual individual could not possibly do this to the fullest extent possible. In this way it almost seems like this person is being self-sacrificing by having kept his or her identity hidden, which is a testament to the tenor of homosexuality on this campus and the pressures which force many homosexuals to stay in the closet.
On a different subject, my gay male friend who was out while he was here and remains very proud, confident, and open about his sexuality has told me many stories about the underground gay scene at Duke. While it applies mostly to males, I’ve heard stories of “frat stars” in even the most elite frats whose sexual preferences are for the same sex, but whose social circles would definitely not permit them to be open about such desires. While I do not know names and would not ever want to ask, he implies that the homosexual scene at Duke, while secretive, is open within its own walls. The gays at Duke, regardless of being open or not, are all aware of the goings-on within the gay community, where secrets are kept from the student body as a whole but where no secrets can be maintained on the inside. Another student has remarked that in this gay subculture there still remain cliques, groups, and divisions – the same as the openly heterosexual world on campus. But what does having such a present gay male community mean for lesbians, bisexuals, or transsexuals? Does this mean that these groups are made to feel outsiders even within the “alternative lifestyle” community? A friend of mine who came out freshman year as a lesbian actually decided to transfer because the culture here for lesbians was so scarce. I think this issue deserves further consideration.
Homosexuality at Duke is tough on those who are out, but possibly even tougher on those who are still in the closet. As time passes it sometimes becomes more difficult instead of easier to reveal one’s true sexual identity. A person may find, over time, that he or she becomes more comfortable with his or her sexual orientation and that he or she is more willing to reveal these sexual preferences to others. On the other hand, however, people who have built reputations and lives around being heterosexual, who have had long-term girlfriends… people especially in cultures who may be less accepting of homosexuality, may find it harder to Duke does has its advantages in being a small school sometimes, such as the feelings of intimacy it provides, but when it comes to a juicy morsel of gossip its intimacy quickly becomes one of its largest detriments and becomes a further impediment to going against the norm. Being a homosexual at Duke is difficult no matter who you are, but Duke’s social culture makes it possibly more difficult than other settings.

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